Saturday, December 26, 2009

My year-end natural style


~the succluent dragon fruit aka Hylocereus polyrhizus


~dragon fruit juice


~Everyone
knows what exactly it is...


~地瓜 ? 番薯 ? Sweet potato ?还是 Ipomoea batatas


~These are their juices


~ I have no idea what the flower named, just know that they are 蓝花


~The glutinous rice ball !!!


~Bon appetit !!!...Wait a minute, these aren't cooked yet.



卖汤圆 卖汤圆

小二哥的汤圆是圆又圆

一碗汤圆满又满

三毛钱呀买一碗

汤圆汤圆卖汤圆...


ps: Happy Winter Solstice! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Actually my exam was ended at 10 December, but the first thing after exam i wanted to do is SLEEP. I needed to sleep for more than 72 hours desperately. I wanted to SLEEP till white white and fat fat XD!

I think I need to declare it officially.


SIXTH FORM WAS OVER!!!
STPM WAS OVER!!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

This too will pass


Once upon a time, there was a new prisoner. The new prisoner was afraid and depressed. The stone walls of his cell soaked up any warmth, the hard iron bars sneered at all compassion; the jarring collision of steel, as his cell door closed, locked hope beyond reach. His heart sank as low as the sentence stretched long. On the wall, by the head of his cot, he saw scratched in the stone the following words: This too will pass.


These words pulled him through, as they must have supported the prisoner before him. No matter haw hard it got, he would look at the inscription and remember, "This too will pass." On the day he was released, he knew the truth of those words. His time was completed, jail too had passed.


As he regained his life, he often thought about that message, writing it on bits of paper to leave by his bedside, in his car, and at work. Even when times were bad, he never got depressed. He simply remembered, "This too will pass," and strives on through. The bad time never seemed to last all that long. Then when good time came he enjoyed them, but never too carelessly. Again he remembered, 'This too will pass," and so carried on working at his life, taking nothing for granted, the good times always seemed to last uncommonly long.


At the end of his days, on his death bed, he whispered to his loved ones, "This too will pass," and settle easily into death. His words were his last gifts to his family and friends. They learned from him that "grief too will pass."

thanks to Ajahn Brahm



Saturday, December 5, 2009

Little things I know...awaken from the slumber

We are living beings with potent cognition, mindfulness, imagination and emotion. Yet we are so vulnerable, we need technology to shield our penetrable organic structure. We are so insecure, we rely on things that can comfort our mind, but nothing is permanence per se. I'm a Buddhist, not a devoted Buddhist actually, I do kill living things - mosquitoes in more precise saying. The biggest organism had I killed was a rat......during dissection in Bio class. Buddhism is a religion for text purposes, a spiritual philosophy, a practice, as well as an attitude that based on the teaching of Buddhism (Buddha: in Sanskrit means the awaken), (-ism: in ancient Greek means action and doctrine).

According to some religions, sin means an act that is regarded as a transgression of God's will. The existence of an extraordinary omnipotent being doesn't matter for Buddhist teaching and practices. So as similar to sin, the purpose of having and using this word "sin" is meaningless. Buddhism neither tell you what to do nor tell you what to believe. It is not telling you to believe something that is beyond word, beyond understanding. It suggests you how to find out the truth, it puts the responsibility onto you. Because there is no obligation, telling or control, you are free to choose to believe or not.


Enlightenment does not means going to heaven and being with god. It is about contentment and the ending of desire, freeing from crave and clinging. It is the path, not the goal. It isn't what you gain, it is about acceptance and letting go. The law of karma means now is where you are making the future, it is the path you are treading at this moment and which means it is the most important thing to do, it is not where you are headed to. It is not about what the path you are doing right now, it is about how and why you are doing right now. It is about the intention behind it.


The Buddhism I know, there is no such thing as evil or bad. It is about whether the intention is skillful or not. Skillful intention comes from real wisdom, compassion and loving kindness. Nirvana is not the destination, it is the process. It is the process of awaken with happiness.



It is hard to stay awake when McDreamy is singing the lullaby.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Smooch ! Ahh! I luv u, exam.


Updates...

Maths T 2 ~ checked!
Biology 1 ~ checked!
Pengajian Am 1~ checked!
Chemistry 1 ~ checked!

ps: My chemistry 2 messed up, wonderful

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Expectation?

Today is an auspicious day, a lovely "holy water" rainy day. I'm gonna score 4 flats definitely...yeah...definitely. Besides, I was sprinkled by some of the holy water. So, no doubt I can get 4 flats. I'm not trying to be superstitious, actually I'm desperately seeking affirmation from anything, anywhere, I don't care. Yeah, I'm getting psychotic. Waaa....

I had sat for the Biology paper 2. I know where I'm gonna be in future. May be like the old people said: you gonna ended up collecting garbage form the rubbish bins before the dawn, you gonna ended up sweeping the roads under the hot blazing sun, you gonna ended up nowhere, begging from somebody's mercy in a shivering midnight......so sad.......so pathetic......

Next week, I have to sit for the PA (Pengajian Am) paper 2, Chemistry paper 2 and Mathematics T paper 1 consecutively. From Monday till Wednesday, the days must seems to be like living in hell. I was dispirited, so I need some advice to help me getting out of my abyssal desperation. Somebody help me!!!!!!!! Or else I'm gonna pass out on the spot during the examination, having spasm and nausea. May be my head will hit on the ground directly, whooho...I may even have concussion. Then my exam may be ruined. Even I have the chance to sit for the examination in the hospital, I can't even have the mood to do.

What can I do? Nothing?

Someone should be blamed for this. Great Expectation...who taught you that? Charles Dickens? Shouldn't No Expectation be better? Hey you Charles Dickens! Call me a jerk...whatever...or come out from your tomb and strangle me to died with you. Then I may not be able to sit for the stupid STPM anymore.




OUTTA MY HEAD, OUTTA MY HEAD, Applesauce, Say Goodbye!




Perhaps......letting go of the fear isn't that difficult. All I have to do is keep marching on.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Que Sera Sera



Whatever will be will be...


No time for blogging...

To be continued...


Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Most Important




When is the most important moment?

This moment

Who/what is the most important person/issue?
The person/issue you are with


What is the most important thing to do?
To care




cradits to Ajahn Brahm.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Chill Out and Warm Up



Get some refreshment before the exam would be better .
For your information, that sail like hotel is The Burj Al Arab which located in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Whatever versus Labelled

Most people do not like this word 'whatever'. Indeed, it is so reasonable and truthful that they care so much, I think. Human are careful beings. They care a lot of things, even a single microorganism they also want to give it a name, eg: Euglena gracilis ~ a type of photosynthetic green protozoa. Thus, they had came out a study since aeon year ago. The study of naming, describing and classifying organisms. And that study is called Taxonomy. The world exist to be between 10 million to 100 million species, about 1.75 million different species have been identified. They said it is important to record the world's biodiversity so that we are able to distinguish between beneficial and harmful varieties.


I'm not saying naming is not good. Naming is really beneficial for us as we are able to identify different organisms and different people to avoid confusion. Over the centuries, human population has grown continuously. Before 17th century, the human population is maintained about 0.2 billions of people. Due to the Industrial Revolution, improved medical, health care and better sanitation has resulted in a population explosion. For instant, the human population has exceeded 6 billions but it is estimated to reach approximately 9 billion by 2050.


Hence, everybody has a name, this is logical and strictly utilitarian. We~as a human, we have intricate emotions: love, joy, surprise, anger, sadness, fear, hate and so on. When we name something, we usually taking in our emotions to label it, classify it. Bias and discrimination developed.


We know the prejudice has established over centuries based on gender: male and female. We know the prejudice has existed over the history based on ethnicity and it seems never ends: the Caucasians, the blacks, the Asians. We know the prejudice has implanted over the human chronicle based on religion: the Christians(includes Protestants, Roman Catholics, Methodist, Baptists, and Anglicans), the Muslims, the Buddhists(includes Theravada, Mahayana, and Vajrayana), the Hindus, the Jews. The prejudice based on sexual orientation: the straights, the gays, the lesbians, the bisexuals, the transgenders. We know, there are much more prejudices based on age: the old folks, adults, the youths, the babies. Prejudice based on disability: the blinds, the deafs, the dumbs, the mental retards, the cripples. Prejudice based on appearance: the fat people, the skinny people, the short people, the ugly people. Or even prejudice based on status, behaviours, cultures, ideas: the technophobes, the mysophobes, the acrophobes, the animal phobes, the narcissists, the perfectionists, the clumsy, the poors, the riches, the prodigies, the genius, the fools, you name it......you feel it. But you know there is nothing wrong with them. However, hate crime still exists. Why?


Sometimes, we care so much until we have neglected other things, other people. We may even hurt the person we care and the person we do not care unintentionally. Using whatever is not an excuse for our carelessness, it is a nonchalant and graceful relinquishment. We have given up the control, the clinging of the emotion onto that particular thing or person. We stop...to label them, we stop to make a big fuss over them. We know engage in that kind of trouble is meaningless.


When people ask for opinions, just spare the breaths and say the damn word - WHATEVER.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

To be calm, not to become



Erstwhile, I feel insecure and dismay, I feel so much like dying. And I know clearly, I yearn to become somebody, much more than I am capable of. Everybody says it is good to have ones own aspiration, then we could take aim, and strive for our own future. We rush our best we can to become somebodies. Somebody like a charisma leader who is amicable and lead well; a good husband that can gives his best for his family; a good wife who are able to manage a blissful family; a good child who ace his result. At least, to be a better person...

Sometimes, we fail, we falter, we break down, we started to question: is all this worth doing?

The answer is yes, but...

It is easy to aspire than to feel peace all the time, and yet...

It is still possible.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Counting down


Stop and watch......can't even think, how can i see?


The tick-tack sound keeps on ticking. Somehow, I can feel the paces are getting faster and faster. It makes me shiver from my spine to my toes. My heart beats are trembling violently, my lungs are hyperventilating all the time. I started to question myself: "Am i hallucinating? Wow! I even murmuring to myself! Yeah it is kinda weird! I am into that?!"

"Cool...calm...relaxed..."

This is quite helpful I guess, say it in my mind, or think nothing in my mind, just like meditating. Everything seems so peaceful, as if I am living in a halcyon atmosphere, the time is no longer the time, the dimension is no longer the dimension. Significance is no longer meaningful. Nothing matter. So, what things do I bother about? Everything is null and void. Questioning for the purposes of life? Do that matters? What a waste of time life.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Approching




I can feel the tension when it's around the corner. The immense and colossal being is starting to claw its way towards me, confronting me, challenging me. I know I have neither turning point nor second chance, I have to face it.


I have no time to prepare, honestly I never seriously take it as a threat to me, until now. Back then, I neglect the danger, as if it just a sparkle of ember, but it grows into a blasting flare, like the solar prominence radiating itself, scorches my mind.


I know it is not the right time for me to regret and worry. What I can do now is catching up, making time out of no time.


Gambatte ! I can do it!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Altitude defines my view, attitude defines my world

I’ve got an attitude
That won’t be broken
Smashed into
Pieces…
Its gonna fly this time
Its gonna have to!

I’ve got a smile that’s
Brightening my day up
Big time!
I’ve got a smile that
Scares you bad…
But I’m gonna keep smiling
This smile,
This time!

I’ve got the hopes
For something good,
You’ve got the problems,
Take them easy,
Go slow…
Be happy while you can!

I’ve got the eyes to see
What’s beyond my future,
Nothing but dark clouds,
Storm up ahead…
But it won’t get me down this time,
I’ll try to fight through it!

Using what I got I make the best of it,
I try to

I’ve got a smile that will stay on my face
Scares away everyone,
But hey,
At least I’m smiling
now!

I’ve got the time
So lets go!
No holding back,
Ready on the mark,
Set on the go,
And now we’re

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I know nothing



What do I know? The only thing I know is "I know nothing".

I know nothing. Yes, the longer I live, the stronger I have that kind of feeling 'actually I know nothing'. The worldly knowledge constantly changing, being replaced, and being rectified. In the end, they will eventually become history. In order to survive, we learn, we experience, so that we are not being left behind by the trend of human chronicle. The current will continue to flow, no matter what happen, no matter what will happen. As long as the conscious is still alive, we need to learn. That is call the growing pain.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Happiness Launch

My real exam will start at 19 November, I have two month for me to prepare, but somehow I feel like time is not enough for me. Am I thinking about the exam too much? Because people said doing it is not a hard work, but thinking about it will make it becomes the hardest. So I suppose I should not bother about it, and stop panicking, stop feeling anxious, and stop being depress, because feeling depress for being depress doesn't make it less depress. So, take it as an experience, do not hesitate, do not feel insecure, take the time and use it happily, because we do not own the time, we do not own our life, the time owns our life. We can do whatever in our life if only we feel peace along our journey. The world would not care for you unless you care for yourself first. So, now make yourself feel like planting a Seed of Peace in your Garden of Mind, watering it everyday with good thoughts. It won't get drawn if you irrigate it too much, but it will shrink if you water it with bad and depressing thoughts. No matter what happen, think optimistically and positively. You will feel grateful for being yourself.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sixth Form

I will never know how terrifying and torturing the life of sixth form would be if I did not choose this path. I can feel the dense pressure that exerted on me anytime, anywhere. I know I should not comment in such ways because somehow this world still has many people are experiencing more extreme torment than me.

I just wanted to find a place to shout out loud enough to make me feel better. I’m wondering if I chose another path, what would my life turned out to be. Is it going to be a twist in my life? I know thinking like this is not going to help me get out of my real life, but I can’t help it. What is the difference between being patience and being here? Sometime I found out that I have lost so much of life because I don’t have that patience. Am I really being there while life is happening? Life goes by so fast, and then wake up in the morning suddenly realize that I turn out to be 40, 50, 60……WOW! I can’t deal with that. In convention, people told us to make plan for the future, but what I can do is making tentative plan, I won’t know what is going to happen in future. And then in the end I will find out that what I am getting out is my life.

I feel like a prisoner when I’m staying in sixth form for two years. It is like a mental excruciation and I am drowning in the abyss of examination. I started to realize that I’m not interested to study science subject and doing experiments in the lab, but it is too late. I feel impatient to finish the life in sixth form. I’m waiting for the future rather than waiting in the moment. Being patient is really tough for me as it is like serving this moment, however the more I rush ahead the harder I feel.

I find no place for me to shout for instant, so allow me to shout at here. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The man who thinks he can


If you think you are beaten, you are,

If you think you dare not, you don’t

If you like to win, but think you can’t,

It is almost certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost

For out of the world we find,

Success begins with a fellow’s will

It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are out classed, you are,

You’ve got to think high to rise,

You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But soon or late the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.


-Walter D. Wintle

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Road Not Yet Taken

What was the first decision we made? What is the last decision we will make? It is always hard to make a decision, because I’m a ditherer…

Almost five months passed, yet I haven’t made up my mind where I should further my study. I started to panic, my mind turned totally blank. I felt remorse for who I am, I felt shame to myself as I cannot made my own decision for my own future. And this happened one and a half years ago.

The only thing I can recall is this poem, and only this poem is able to comfort me and give me strength and motivation.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Friday, June 12, 2009

STPM

Most of the time, i feel that I couldn't breath. I feel very depress and low self esteem as I cannot concentrate on my study. There are plenty of assignments and revisions obscured at the dark corner, and that makes me feel guilty as I dare not touch them. I felt that I had lost the feeling of study. And that aggravates my depression. I always question myself, is it worth to study in sixth form? Is it worth spending two precious years just only for that examination? I am not able to manage my time properly, and that is why my CGPA could not exceed 3.0 points. Day by day, I spend almost all the time in front of the computer browsing internet aimlessly. I wandered around the websites, searching for some distraction, something that can pull me away from the depression. I know that these things are ineffective but I cannot figure out other choices. In more precise description, I am scared of changes; I am lazy to pull myself away form the swamp of decadence.


What should I do?



Thursday, June 4, 2009

A New Beginning



A whole new beginning,
a whole new day.
A brand new me,
so good bye yesterday.

A whole new sunset,
a whole new view.
A fresher morning,
and grass covered with dew.

A whole new world,
with greener grass and flowers.
Goodbye everything,
and what use to be ours.

Like a newborn baby,
like a bird with wings.
I feel so happy,
you can hear my heart sing.

So good bye tears,
and good bye rain.
Good bye yesterday,
good bye pain.